I Don’t Want Children

To anyone who knows me personally, this is probably a conversation we’ve had together, or you’ve understood it by the lack of empathy I have for children. I’ve never been a big fan of children nor have I ever found them particularly cute, but I feel like it’s gotten even worse in the past year. Seeing a baby makes me more uncomfortable than anything, and I have no idea what to say to a child. I don’t feel like the conversation would be beneficial to anyone, so why bother. I know my sister wants children, and when she has them I’m sure I’ll love them very much, but as soon as they cry or smell, they’re going back to her or my brother-in-law in a heartbeat.

baby eI’d always told my parents that it’s most probable I won’t have children, but I have caught myself wanting some when I was in love. I guess you easily tend to imagine a utopian life for youself and your partner, with a house and kids, where everyone loves eachother unconditionnally. Well, a breakup was my wakeup call to realising it’s not what I want at all.

When I think about raising a child, I wouldn’t want to do anything less than what my parents have done for me and my siblings (I have 2 older brothers and an older sister). My parents have always put us first, and everything they still do today is with us in mind. I feel like it sets the bar very high if I were ever to have any of my own, and honestly it’s not sacrifices I’m willing to make.

Before this summer I was still kind of thinking “Well, we never know maybe if I find the right person to have some with” and then I met up with a friend who had to babysit his niece and nephews for the afternoon. We went to a sort of theme park with one of them (I honestly had a blast) and then it was time to go get the other two from the nursery, and walk them home. That’s when I realised: never will I ever want to do this on a daily basis, once was more than enough.

I see parents’ lives being completely dependant on their child’s, and barely having any time for themselves. Every single decision that is made is for the benefit of the child; and I mean, I find that normal and wouldn’t expect anything less coming from a parent. I just can’t imagine myself being happy with that kind of life.

What I find reassuring is that so many people I know don’t want children either, or if so not before another 10 years, so I don’t feel odd at all for feeling this way. I think it’s a reasonable feeling and decision. One other major element to it, is that I NEVER want to give birth, and by never I mean it is one of my worst nightmares. The simple thought of it makes me want to jump out of my body and run without ever looking back. I just can’t deal with it.

I know some people feel extremely offended when they hear someone does not want children (especially a woman) and I find it ridiculous and kind of funny honestly. A common one is to call us selfish; I mean, really? I don’t see what’s selfish in not wanting a human who doesn’t exist in the first place… it makes no sense. If you want to have one or a dozen children, go for it, but don’t criticise us for not wanting any.

I really respect parents because I can’t begin to imagine how it is to raise one or more mini humans. It must be extremely difficult physically and emotionally, exhausting, and overwhelming. But, from what I’ve been told, it’s totally worth it.

What do you think? Have you never wanted children either or is it your lifelong dream? Maybe you already have some of your own, let me know in the comments!

Lots of love,

Eleonore.

Are you Following me on Instagram? x

 

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18 thoughts on “I Don’t Want Children

  1. The title jmped to my face when you shared it on twitter and I knew I’d want to read for a few reasons. The first is that I share this with you : I don’t want any kids. As long as I recall from about 10 till now, I never wanted, and as time passed, I felt the same kind of “worsening” except I don’t like this term here. I’d rather use “re-affirming” because it’s more positive than “worsening” – the latter sounds like a condition, an illness, when it’s our right not to want any, for any reason.

    The fact is, this world is overpopulated. I knew this as a child and it hasn’t stopped, nor regressed. Overpopulation has been a cause for many issues, from employability to environmental and socio-economic.

    When I was younger, I thought that if I ever did have kids, it’d be via adoption, to offer compassion to a kid who otherwise wouldn’t necessarily receive it. But, considering all the ramifications it would have on me, and the fact that I suffer from extreme anxiety and traumas, I felt the choice of having a child, one way or another, would be selfish of me, in the negative aspect. Whilst not having is selfish but in positive meaning, including limiting impacts of above kinds.

    As a man (at least biologically) my potential to give birth is limited, but I can imagine that if I could, I’d feel the very same as you : I’d rather not. Again, too many phobias of things that cannot be avoided in birthing.

    A lot of people told me I’d change my mind and that it’s worth it and that kids bring joys. As many joys they can bring, they also are a huge responsibility to raise, to educate, and to those parents who do fulfill these, bravo, kudo points and so on. However, there is a huge number of parents who simply dislike or hate their kids and abuse them instead of nurturing and all that, so… some shouldn’t be parents, though they wanted, to became, ‘accidentally’.

    Bottom line? I don’t want kids. Never have, and now at over 40, I can say I’m allergic to most of them.
    Despite societal pressures for women to have kids and for men to learn to be parents, it’s simply not for me and it appears not for you either, so stand your ground, and I’m glad that thus far, you haven’t had that kind of “but, hey, you’re a woman, you SHOULD have them, tick tock! Fulfill your duty!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes definitely! It’s not something for everyone and that should be respected. Some people are juste better off without children tbh, and since you’ve mentioned your phobias and your anxiety, it would definitely make the situation very difficult for you, and the child (well, everyone involved really).
      And no the fertility clock has not been an argument used against me haha, and it hopefully never will be. x

      Like

  2. I have never wanted children either. As a child I didn’t even play with dolls.
    As above, the world is sickeningly overpopulated and I don’t want to contribute to that. The idea of adopting a child is more appealing as there are literally thousands of children desperate for a home.

    Helen
    Tea in the Tub

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel the same way and I’ll tell my mom this and she’s like “You’re feelings change. I could’ve given you up because I didn’t feel ready.” And it’s not that I’m not “ready” I don’t see myself having a kid. Dogs, maybe a pig. Adoption is definitely something I’d think about doing, but I’d have to adopt a child. I can’t imagine myself with a baby with my anxiety.

    My sister wants like six though so I think that’s enough for both of us.

    But I completely agree x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah I feel many people get confused between not wanting a child and not feeling ready. It’s such a big responsability, and honestly it’s really not for everyone to put their life on hold for a liitle munchkin.

      Haha yeah same with my sister, hopefully it satisfies the parents and their need for grandkids !

      Liked by 1 person

  4. When I saw the title of this post I was like yesss, as I always find this so interesting. I had (and still slightly do) have the same opinion as you. I cannot see myself having a child before I’m like at least 30, as I feel like I wouldn’t have had the chance to live my own life before devoting it to someone else!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve always wanted kids, and I’m also a teacher so I’m used to having to talk to kids! Having said that, I don’t think I’ll have kids before I’m thirty. Partly because I’m single at the moment, and also because I don’t want kids yet. I do have friends and family who don’t want kids, and I can totally understand why! I think that it’s definitely not selfish. Everyone is allowed a choice, and if people choose not to have kids it’s up to them! So many people, women especially, are told they are selfish or that it’s very sad that they’ve never had kids (I read an article or interview with Jennifer Aniston talking about this!).

    Liked by 1 person

    • And I hope you do whenever you do want them !
      Thank you, yes I do feel that ‘selfish’ argument is just absurd.
      And yes it’s expected for every woman’s life to revolve around children and if they don’t have any it’s like a failure ? I read about it from Aniston as well! She gets so much shit constantly, people can’t mind their own business !

      Like

  6. I know I definitely want children as I love them so much but it is always interesting to have other’s opinion about the subject! I don’t understand how people can judge someone who doesn’t want to have children, I think everyone should be free to do the choices they want!!! That was a great post x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I feel like we’re such kindred spirits. I love kids I really do but I can’t and won’t be having any children of my own. I love my niece and nephew like they’re my own but I like my life. When I’ve been in relationships I have wanted them and tried to get pregnant but I’m glad that it never came to anything. At the grand age of 28 I know myself very well and how I want my life to look.
    Siobhan | Vegan Babe Life

    Liked by 1 person

    • I understand that! My sister is now pregnant and I’m so so excited for the baby’s birth and I know I’ll love them unconditionally – but I still believe it just isn’t for me.
      I’m happy for you, that you realised what you wanted and didn’t want, and that you didn’t make choices that you now regret x

      Liked by 1 person

  8. You’re not alone.. but the fact unfortunately is that the world thinks we’re selfish or there’s something wrong with us. Never been hugely maternal and had no real interest in having a baby. It is not for all of us.. and yes, I can appreciate my nieces/nephews, friends’ kids but we don’t all need to be parents. I was so adamant that I insisted on getting sterilised (keyhole surgery where they place clips on your fallopian tubes) as I didn’t want to take artificial hormones for years. It took a while and I hear it is harder even these days to get it done.. (docs say: you’re so young, you might change your mind, you haven’t had kids etc) but I felt better having it done.

    Liked by 1 person

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