Here is part 2 of the series ‘LGBTQ+ Visibility’. You can find part 1 here.
This series is about visibility, for people to share their experiences and whatever they want about their identity. Today’s post is about being lesbian.
Thank you to those who took the time to write a little something! Enjoy x
“LESBIAN! That’s right; don’t be too scared to say it! It was the end of a long five-year journey at the post-university age of 23 when I finally adopted “lesbian” for myself, just as I was always meant to. Yes, I did do the bisexual-stepping-stone to this point–which is part of the reason it took so long for me to get here after coming out Facebook-announcement style as bisexual. But the other reason? Simple fear of the word and its connotations. Back during my queer awakening, I’d been hard pressed to find an equal amount of lesbian-positivity compared to comparable bi-positive rhetoric. And growing up in rural America, I rarely heard anyone say “lesbian,” let alone call themselves one. Sprinkle in some internalized homophobia and overthinking and you have a recipe for self-doubt and five years of mislabeling an identity. But now that I finally know myself, I won’t stop saying it. I am a lesbian. And for all the lesbians still unsure, be patient with yourself. You will get there.”
“Coming out as lesbian was relieving and exciting, but it also felt like jumping with my head first in a world of doubts and eternal self-questioning. ‘Relieving’ as I could finally truly and entirely be myself in front of my whole family and society, and of course as I was able to love women without constantly repressing my feelings. ‘Exciting’ as I felt like being part of a community I could finally publicly stand up for : going to my first prides, standing up for a cause, and being able to respond to homophobic comments without being ashamed was and still is very pleasant.
However, coming out as a lesbian was also saying loudly and clearly that you are “deviating” the straight path valued by society. It is explaining to your parents that marriage and kids is probably something you will never experience. It is telling strangers in bars that yes you are a lesbian even if you look like a “normal” woman with long hair and dress in afeminine way. It is also having to explain to your friends that having sex with a woman is not just like doing foreplay with a guy.
Last but not least, coming out as a lesbian is also accepting that you are part of a minority, but you might sometimes doubt it and question it. For instance, I was lately wondering, as I have been single for a while, if I might be straight after all, and simply did not know how to act with men. It felt like I was saying to myself “someday somehow I will succeed in being straight”. So I dated a guy in order to try again…. And I did not enjoy it. Having the possibility to discuss it all with a friend made me realize that I am 100% lesbian and not just unable to feel the right way about guys. I am simply having doubts and lows, just like a normal person.”
“First off, I want to mention how my sexual identity does not define me or who I am inside, I am very conservative about my sexual identity; more or less, I don’t express it unless someone asks or I am in celebration of it (Pride festivals, etc.), but I don’t have ay other reason to make it known to the world – and this does not mean I hide it, I just don’t feel the need to air my business to random people.
Being a lesbian as a young, black, female is more or less difficult when it comes to dating. I feel as though the majority of Americans still, for whatever reason, stereotype black women as loud, obnoxious, ghetto, hood and probably on some sort of welfare – even when myself does not fit the bill nor my family or upbringing. I prefer to date outside of my own race; because I am proud of how far we have come where dating someone outside your own race is more ‘norm’ than omen. Besides that, being a lesbian is no easier than dating men; like any relationship, it takes patience, commitment and some form of understanding of one another for the relationship to grow.”
– Shay-lon ( Being a Lesbian Doesn’t Define Me )
“I love being an out, proud lesbian woman. Before my life was sad and grey, but now it’s full of rainbows. My coming out story was just like so many others: I had these feelings at a young age, I didn’t know what they were, what to do with them but I felt like it was wrong to feel this way. For years I was fighting the gay battle within myself, behind closed doors (or inside the closet), I was dreaming about running off with women, and watching countless hours of lesbian videos on YouTube, but on the outside I was convincing the world I was ‘normal’. Having such an open minded supportive family, I knew coming out wouldn’t be a problem; but that didn’t make coming out any easier, to the point that I contemplated running away because it was easier to run from it and hide, rather than say those magical two words out loud… ‘I’m gay’.
I wouldn’t have the incredible life I have today, if I hadn’t have come out. I set myself free, let go of the sadness and fear and let love in. Not just from my fiancée, but my family and friends now love me for me, 100% for who I am, as well as an incredible community, which just feels like one giant hug. I’ve met some of the best friends from within this community: we are all different, have different interests, we don’t look the same, we are diverse and beautiful, but we have three wonderful things that connect us. We are human, we are gay and we are fabulous.”
– Nic ( A Twenty Something Lesbian )
“I got married when I was 20, which seems mad now, especially when I meet 20 year olds and they are so YOUNG to be doing such a serious thing. But it felt right, I was with a guy I really liked. He asked me and I said yes, and soon I was in a wedding dress. It was on holiday on our four year anniversary that I met someone who would change my life. It was a woman, and suddenly everything felt right. I think back to that girl in a wedding dress and remember something didn’t feel right inside of her. I’m an out lesbian now, and it’s incredible. I’m recently single, so looking at dating again. Who knows what will happen next. But if you feel something in your life needs to change, do your best to make it happen. We only have one life. It’s important to look after other people, but also to follow what we believe in. Peace and love and beautiful lives to anyone reading Eleonore’s blog xxx”
– Esme ( Her first book is available now: Bottoms, tongues and boobs )
Thank you for reading. Feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences!
Lots of love,